i was born a porn star she said
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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