Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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