Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
