Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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