i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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