I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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