woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
