PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
