he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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