well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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