It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
