Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm having to shit out rocks
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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