theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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