$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
