you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
