I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
