Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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