I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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