Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
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I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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