Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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