shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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