My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize