Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
