will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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