take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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