its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
