When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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