She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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