I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
