You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
