I understand Curling. That high.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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