We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
