She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
