I'm really into asian looking animals
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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