Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
