the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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