In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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