I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
