So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
