I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
