I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize