Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
