I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
