He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
