She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
cat food counts as protein by the way
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
