the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
