My nipple is on Facebook.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
