You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
