i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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