Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
