8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize