life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
id be glad to
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
