It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
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I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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