Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
