So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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