It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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