you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
