and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
