ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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