I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
