Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
