Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
