You just made me feel so damn special
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
