Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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