Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My bed smells like the plague
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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