not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
