he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I cockslap morals
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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