im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize