Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
