Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
